Chaotic

I'm exhausted . I'm terribly sleep deprived. I'm confused . I'm worried . I'm idling. I need to be working. I can sense time ticking away . I've put up a post-it , it reads -" DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME . TOO MUCH WORK ON HAND ". I look at it , but choose to ignore it. I spend nights discussing non-issues. I need rest. I need nourishment. I need to exercise a bit more , too much flab accumulating. I need to talk to the Dean. I need to sort out deals. I need to work smart. Oh my god !! where's all the time gone ?! I need to mug for my exams. I need to attend classes , oh fuck I just might be short of attendance. I need to focus on my B.Tech project. I need to breathe. I need to shatter this whole facade of strength . I can't always appear to be calm and composed when I actually am not. I need to freak out more often. Am I too uptight?! Am I a 40-year old flustering inside the body of a soon to be 22-year old ? Am I a good boy ? Where is this rage coming from ? Where's life taking me ? Will I make it ? So many questions . The unpredictability is getting to me . I am drifting , I can feel it ; I can only hope that I drift to a nice place.

Ladies and Gentleman . 4th and final year at IIT Madras. Eye opener.

Comments

Vijay Shankar said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
October 26, 2007 at 12:14 PM
Vijay Shankar said…
All of us are in the same boat.
You might just be under a little more pressure than the rest of us.
Still, on retrospection you might probably realise that your learning curve was steepest this year.
October 26, 2007 at 12:17 PM
Gayatri Bhadran said…
yes.. freak out.. drive yourself crazy..! but not too crazy..

and yes you are a 40 year old in a 22 year old's body.. but thats alright.. THAT is why YOU my sir, stand out from the rest..

and you WILL drift to a more than nice place..! =)
October 28, 2007 at 3:15 AM
Satch Boogie said…
so totally agree with the essence of this post man ... and to think of it, the perception is exactly the opposite ... i guess we now have to teach people to refrain from making comments like "eh .. 4th year da .. peace wonly" :)
November 1, 2007 at 12:25 PM
SpankMac said…
I have to agree with satch boogie here. And Wiper when he says you might be under a little bit more pressure than the rest of us.

But MAN, this is nowhere close to how I expected 4th year to be.
November 1, 2007 at 11:37 PM
Abhishek said…
ahem ahem... welcome to insanity!
sorry to say, but i think, there's more to come.
November 6, 2007 at 4:29 AM
Vikas Shenoy said…
Hey, Just came across your blog!

May god bless you.. and ya that freaked me out. I prefer staying in the third year :-S
November 16, 2007 at 9:46 AM
Karthik Boddu said…
evng man. jus been thru ur blog, n d recent post. gr88 words... was lost in identifying d flow, but after all dats how one can put his 4th n final year... keep goin.

KARTHIK
November 30, 2007 at 9:16 AM
Sneharaj Ramdaspalli said…
Hmmm, paapi - my freshie year culsec ! Back then freshie year seemed like a nice dream, and now in 4th year, this post sounds so like me :) I wonder how u managed your time !
December 13, 2010 at 11:33 AM
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