Fresh Prince and Uncle Phil
Dark skinned actor playing a US Air Force Pilot - COOL !!
Dark skinned actor fighting an invading alien - 2X COOL !!
Dark skinned actor bitchslapping the alien, leaving it unconscious and hauling it over to the President of US - 3X COOL !!
I was sold, sold, sold and in absolute awe of him immediately.
He then went on to top his act further with Men In Black. That scene of him chasing the alien on foot (yes, another alien, different movie though) was so badass - Kay wasn't the only person impressed. And in that uber cool outfit - sleek suit, dark glasses and the neuralizer - for a young, impressionable Telugu chap whose idea of a Hero was Chiranjeevi or Saurav Ganguly, Will Smith was now well and truly a Super Hero .
As if the movie mayhem didn't suffice I'd turn on the TV and see him rapping "Getting Jiggy with It" with clean lyrics that I could actually follow. I'd switch channels and I'd see a much younger version of him in "Fresh Prince of Bel Air". How much cooler can one single dude get !!
I absolutely loved watching Fresh Prince. Will played the role of a Philadelphia teenager who gets relocated to his maternal aunt and uncle's place in filthy rich Bel Air thanks to "a couple of guys who were up to no good, that started making trouble in his neighbourhood. He got in one little fight and his Mum got scared." His antics were hilarious - the wisecracks he'd throw at his Uncle Phil ; peppering his Ivy League-aspiring seemingly-not-black-enough cousin Carlton with all kind of puns - it was the stuff of legends. I was inspired by him, I resonated with him and my personality started gradually adopting the Fresh Prince type of humor.
As time went by and I was growing up fast, I started noticing and appreciating the increasing emotional depth in Will's roles. Fresh Prince had progressed into a more serious arc, focusing on relationships and the conundrums they were putting a teenaged Will through. On-screen Will and moi were navigating similar waters and, in hindsight, I'd inadvertently used the show as a guiding North Light of sorts. At this juncture is when I watched a particularly telling episode with a scene that I've held very close to my chest until this moment
The scene, for your ready eyes if you so dare is as below
For all intents and purposes, I've grown up without a father. I have just two memories of the man
- a cheery one - the kind most kids have of their fathers I presume - of seeing him come over from the town where he was studying his MS Ophthalmology and me rushing towards him on my little cycle, all excited to meet him.
- a violent one - watching him and Amma have a massive argument and him choking Amma until she fell unconscious. Him then insouciantly walking out, getting into his Jeep and leaving, me scampering back to my Amma, jogging her awake, crying and saying - "Amma, let's go away. Let's go away now !!" . Amma waking up and us getting to the bus station and making it back to Hyderabad in one piece.
Thanks to the lasting impression my father had left on my 5 or 6-year old brain with his parting shot, I grew up with an inherent distrust for men. Men symbolised violence and I'd be very protective of Amma and as the years progressed this protective instinct expanded towards all women in my life - an inadvertent good quality stemming out of a traumatic incident. Growing up without a father though was a challenge - school was particularly difficult. My first-rankerness notwithstanding, I'd bump into the inevitable and inescapable questions -
What does your dad do ?
Where does your dad work ?
Why doesn't your dad come to drop you ?
And I'd have no answers to any of these. The over-enthusiastic know-it-all who'd have put Hermione to shame would have nothing to say to these. But I knew one thing beyond a shadow of doubt -
I CANNOT ask Amma these questions and trouble her, she's already burdened, it'd break her.
So I labored on, finding solace in my good marks, good friends and my love for cricket. Before I realised it, I'd graduated from engineering, fallen in love, started pursuing my career, suffered heartbreak - the whole deal. All the while though, my inner voice was exactly Will's from the scene.
I learned to drive without him.
I learned to shave without him.
I learned to fight without him.
I had 14 great birthdays without him. He never even sent me a damn card. TO HELL WITH HIM.
With those words it's almost as if Will had reached deep inside me, pulled out what I've wanted to always say and said it on behalf of me better than I possibly could have.
Slightly over an year back, just prior to the now-notorious Chris Rock-slapping incident I read Will Smith's biography and found out that he had a "disciplinarian" father who'd violently beat up his mother. Rather than step up and defend her, as the elder son, reading how Will Smith had developed his trademark comical behavior as a coping mechanism took him down a notch from the pedestal, I'd have done better - I thought. But it also reminded me of a few friends of mine during my engineering days - the ones with violent, philandering dads. Listening to their stories and the sustained abuse that they and their moms were put through by their errant fathers, I'd gulp down my saliva and clench my fits in anger wondering
How the f**k can grown-ass men behave like this ?
How can they possible lay their hands on women and kids ?
Which cesspool did these characters emerge from ?
My exposure to violence had stopped with that one night and I am infinitely grateful that the man never had the gall to show up in my life ever again afterwards. Struggle we did - Amma and I - and scarred for life we were but we didn't have an unhinged hurricane periodically uprooting our lives, rubbing salt into our wounds and never letting us heal.
Now, as a 38-year old half-decent human being, when I think about that scene from Fresh Prince I realise how fortunate Will was to have had Uncle Phil (played by James Avery) in his life. I now see Uncle Phil for what his character truly represents
- an accountable, protective presence.
- someone who can sense your struggle and suffering and willingly checks in on you.
- someone who you can innately trust to create a safe space for you to be vulnerable, to break down and to build yourself back up.
- someone who is emotionally available when you need him/her.
I was fortunate, as a kid and as a young adult, I had many many inspiring people - family, friends, teachers, mentors - pitch in and shape me into what I am. I'm even more blessed now to have made new friends, each individually an Uncle Phil in the truest sense with a willing arm around my shoulder and a ready hug at the disposal as I become truly vulnerable.
The way I see it, life will keep challenging a man continuously at various critical phases in life. The question it will pose is one and the same
Would you want to take the tougher route and be Uncle Phil or would you rather take the easier route and be the errant father ?
Will Smith messed up big time in slapping Chris Rock, his friend. At that critical juncture, life provoked him with the question
Chris made a wisecrack at your wife, whatcha gonna do now ? Are you gonna be Uncle Phil or the errant father ?
And in one fell swoop he chose to be the errant father, undoing years of his hardwork and good will in one go. In all probability, he's hurting and hurting bad too. He needs his Uncle Phil more than ever. In some parallel universe, were the Uncle Phil within me to interact with Will Smith, I'd just hug him and let him let it all out, so he can rebound, start afresh and get back to being the awesome, uber cool Fresh Prince that I knew and loved.
The world has more than enough of its share of errant fathers, it needs more Uncle Phils. Uncle Phils are the unsung heroes that keep the world sane - they wake up, show up and persevere, they deserve to be celebrated. To the Uncle Phils of my life and for everyone else too, much love and affection to you all and thank you.
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