Hearing or Listening ?

Fueled by the personal win of resurrecting this blog, I've decided to resurrect the other wins as well - physical, mental & learning. In order to register a physical win, I need to get atleast 30mins of walking/running/crawling/climbing under my belt on a daily basis. I've been diligent thus far this month, but miles to go before I sleep. 

Today began with a morning walk. Shoes on, earphones in, tap Spotify, select the "Chill Mix" playlist and get going. I walk a few metres, turn the corner and its the familiar sight of Bhandaphod being dragged along for a morning stroll by Aparpyaar. We smiled and waved at each other and then I locked eyes with him. In that infinitesimally small instant, he was like "friend" and was up on his hind legs, but before he could have me on the floor showering affection upon me Bhandaphod had held on tight to his leash and I slithered away, smile still intact. Next time for sure, Aparpyaar...

The walk continues and so does the playlist until a song piques my interest and I start listening to it more attentively. The song - "Unwell" by Matchbox Twenty being rendered by the vocal genius - Rob Thomas. 

Now with all due honesty, I've heard this song many a time. It has such a happy, chirpy, high energy, trademark Banjo intro. In addition, the tune and the cadence of the song makes it very catchy, foot-tapping and hummable. I've hummed to it many a time emphasising on those occasional words that ring through loud and clear. But today was the first time I've actually paid attention to the lyrics and listened to the song. 

The chorus line goes as follows (to a very groovy, cheery melody)

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little unwellI know, right now you can't tellBut stay a while and maybe then you'll seeA different side of me

I'm not crazy, I'm just a little impairedI know, right now you don't careBut soon enough you're gonna think of meAnd how I used to be...me

I listened to these words and froze. 
Belying the chirpy goodness of the music lies a desperate cry for help in the first verse of the chorus. A cry seeking company, seeking reassurance, seeking attention. And then the second verse is a far greater gut punch, speaking of imminent suicide. 

Notwithstanding how effortlessly the words have been stitched to convey such meaning, were I to actually read this from a friend now, my immediate response would be to rush to him/her and ask them - "Sab khairiyat ? Are you doing okay ? You want to go grab a cup of coffee and just speak ?" 

This whole experience got me introspecting a bit. All of us are just so lost in our lives, running around scatter-brained and like headless chickens. Running towards something or running away from something. Amidst the din and omnipresent chaos are we genuinely listening....to our thoughts, our bodies, our near and dear ones. Are willing to permit ourselves a pause to venture beneath the cheery exterior and seek out what lies beneath ?




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