Losing while Winning. Winning while Losing.

08-Mar-24 1900hrs - 2105hrs 

Bhandaphod unleashed a blistering blitzkrieg of brilliance on the pool table. She'd verbally convey what she was intending to do and then line up and take the shot and the balls would be like - "Aye Ma'am, we're on our way !!". Meanwhile I was at the other end, first bemused, then alarmed, later frustrated and then eventually resigned to my fate - "I am being bested by someone who's on song, so let me just watch and enjoy". But of course, I was also super proud of my billiards buddy - in just over a month she'd gone from an absolute beginner to this amazing markswoman that was wiping the floor with me. All that intricate analysis we'd initially done, all those videos of her stance and her shot, coaxing her to get her hubby Monsieur DaBomb to critique them - all of it seemed to have paid off. I was elated internally, yet externally I was still this stone-faced competitor still latching onto some hope of saving face. 

This experience took me back to two very distinct and different times in my life, both very significant and both very important references that I hold onto with a death grip.  

During my schooling years, I was insanely competitive at anything I'd do, be it academics or sports - losing was not an option, losing was unacceptable. I was the class topper, the teachers' pet and I'm sure I'd have had an air of arrogance about me. I was obsessed with needing to have the highest marks in every subject. On one occasion after an exam, it turned out that in one of the papers I'd scored second highest by a whisker, the first being my best buddy in the class - Pradeep. Me, in my entire entitled first-ranker-ness decided to check his paper, noticed that there was a counting error, promptly took it to the teacher, got it corrected and lo and behold I was first again. I don't even remember feeling a touch of guilt at what I'd done, I HAD to be the first and now I was. Again. 

This cutthroat instinct served me quite well in the highly competitive dog-eat-dog churn that we continue to call our education system, and I found myself in one of the elite engineering colleges eventually. 

During engineering is when I had my first brush with geniuses - people who were playing in an entirely different league. I was no longer the best. Forget about being the best, I was closer to being the worst, the runt of the lot. To be humbled all of a sudden when you've been a topper for a while is a dastardly thing for a 18-19 year old to face and most struggle to cope with that feeling. Two of my closest buddies were 9-pointers to my "lousy" 7-pointer - one a blessed genius nicknamed "CB" who'd make my head spin with his aptitude, the other this hard-working chap nicknamed "GT" who'd burn the midnight oil and churn out results. 

I remember sitting and prepping with the now-late-yet-forever-loved-and-always-missed GT for the end semester exam of Design of Machine Elements. Our conversation went a bit as follows 

Paapi (me) - "Yaar GT, what the fuck is going on, dude ? Mujhe kuch samaj mein nahi aa raha. Yeh CB isko samaj kaise letha hain yaar. Chill maartha hain, Blob ke notes utaatha hain quiz sey pehle aur exam mein phod daaltha hain."

GT - "Paapi bro, hum maamuli insaan hain, CB bhagwaan hain. Humey karoodo baar practice karna padega uski tarah perform karne ke liye." 

I scraped past that course thanks to GT's guidance. But I gained two of my life's most important lessons then - LEARN TO LOSE and CARVE YOUR OWN NICHE. 

Learning to Lose is extremely important. 

- One ought to be gracious in defeat. 

- One ought to maintain sporting spirit. 

- One ought to cheer for the winner because at that moment s/he has bested you and deservedly so. 

- One ought not to sink into dejection and despair - nothing in life is worth that hassle. Take a chill pill, it ain't your day today, but tomorrow just might be and even if it isn't - f**k it. 

- One ought to practice and persevere. Because with diligent hardwork and perseverance, one can genuinely compete with a true genius. 

GT eventually graduated among the toppers along with CB. I knew my limitations, so carved my own niche and graduated respectably. 

I'd learnt to lose during my engineering years but what it also taught me is HOW TO WIN AND HOW NOT TO. 

- Be gracious in victory. 

- Be humble. 

- Be gentlemanly, never put down your competitor, either verbally or physically. 

- Never cheat or do anything underhanded to clinch victory. 

- Maintain sportsman spirit, never outperform and show off against an obvious learner. 

- Never thump your chest against an opponent who has lost and is visibly dejected. 

Oh how I wish I had known these during my school years !! Many years later while I was chatting up my school buddies is when I apologised to Pradeep for having been a prick and gotten his mark deducted. In spite of what I'd done to him then, Pradeep had continued to be and still continues to be a close friend - a reflection of his character and upbringing. 

Losing, winning are just two sides of the same coin. It's okay to lose to make someone else happy, it's okay to lose when you've put in your best effort, it's okay to lose to someone who is genuinely better than you. What is not okay to lose is - CHARACTER and INTEGRITY. No amount of winning without these in place is worth mentioning. Without these in place, there is no winning. Being a sore loser is still pardonable. But being a winner bereft of character and integrity is pitiable and has a cascading effect on society. The larger question we'd need to ask ourselves is - are we breeding cutthroat winners or winners with integrity, class and pizzazz ?!!